Whether you are an intact family experiencing growth or change, have an established routine after a family change, or are experiencing the holidays for the first time this year following a separation, the holidays can be a stressful time. In the practice of Family Law, we have engaged with hundreds of families navigating the holidays each year and offer this advice for reconnecting with the holidays with joy and peace.
Manage Expectations
One of the reasons the holidays are so stressful is we have been conditioned from childhood that they are special times imbrued with significant meaning. This sets us up for failure because even when we engage ourselves to the point of exhaustion, the holidays rarely achieve this level of significance because the concept is so abstract and unattainable. The result is disappointment, and often resentment for taking everything on (especially if you feel someone in your life is not putting in the effort). Instead, reflect on your values and choose a manageable number of specific activities and gestures you know you and your loved ones will find most meaningful.
Embrace New Traditions
A difficult part of a change in family dynamic, whether it is kids growing up, the loss of a loved one, or a divorce/separation, is the loss of longstanding traditions. The reality is that even our most cherished experiences won’t last forever. Instead of ensuring that everything stays as close to the same as possible, embrace new ideas and new ways of celebrating as a chance for positive change. This is especially important for the children in your family who will follow your lead on whether the holidays become a time of dread or a reason to celebrate in a new way. Traditions only have the value we assign to them, and each of us can choose the path forward.
Engage in Perspective Taking
A common reason why disagreements happen during times of high emotion is each person in the conflict can only see the situation from one side. This is especially hard in the case of a new separation requiring co-parents to navigate a holiday schedule for their kids by agreement. View each person in the conflict as coming to the conflict with the best intentions and try to understand what their reasoning may be. You may still disagree, but making an effort to fairly consider where each person is in their discomfort. Letting go of the instinctual reaction to blame and suspect can get you on the path forward to keeping holidays low-conflict for your family.
Celebrate Any Day
Holidays aren’t dictated by a date on the calendar; you can make any day special with the way you approach it.
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Company Name: Ellis Family Law
Contact Person: Gray Ellis
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Phone: 919-688-9400
Country: United States
Website: http://www.ellisfamilylaw.com/